Letter to Myself

-based on Brad Paisley’s “Letter to Me”-

As you read this down the road, no matter a week or a year

Listen to the words and the voices you hear

They are your words and your voice

They are God’s direction and Will

Remember the days you hid chocolate in your room

The days you snuck the dog table food

You’re first date, you’re passions and goals

Adapt and grow but remember your roots

The times you laughed, cried, fought, failed and won

Let this letter remind you of the good times and the bad

Remember the starts of college, kidsmin leadership, the real world

Reflect on where you’ve been, where you are and where you hope to be

Remember the struggles of confidence, friendships, family

The faith you yearned for

The love you strived for

The path God laid out for you

You’re relationship with the Lord is above all else

Do not forsake him but seek him whole-heartedly

Live the Godly life you’ve pledged to live

Be the example and leader to those you serve

As you read this down the road, no matter a week or a year

Listen to the words and the voices you hear

They are your words and your voice

They are God’s direction and Will

'Fresh Start' but Where's the Start?

I can't find the start line.

So I’ve been MIA for a while, no worthy explanation except that I got lazy. Lazy in a lot of areas and it has led to dissatisfaction; dissatisfaction with my relationship with the Lord, with my social life, with my relationship with my brother. I’m not trying to sound depressed or pitiful but I am stating these dissatisfactions so that they are written down with more permanence, in hopes that friends and family can help keep me accountable! (That’s you!)

Most importantly I have not maintained a daily relationship with the Lord. I pray most days but it’s usually a prayer of want, not a prayer of thanks. I don’t feel like I’m having a conversation with God. I’m a leader in kid’s ministry, on staff with the church and yet I don’t feel like a leader. I can’t say why, yet, but I can’t see the potential impact I could have on kids. I know being a part of the kidsmin team is important, don’t get me wrong but I want to have a direct impact on kids’ relationships with the Lord. I don’t know if this feeling is because I don’t have the relationship with the Lord I desire for myself or because I’ve been lazy or something else entirely.

My social life has not improved much since the last post. I have yet to hang out with many friends, no matter how many text inquiries I send out. Maybe that’s the problem, not having a clear idea of what I want to do and not flat out asking friends to hang out. I have not connected with the YA group much yet, I went to the first Thursday night small group, missed the monthly ‘hang out’ small group because of a funeral and last week’s small group was canceled. Now most of my YA friends are on the high school retreat so I've spent the weekend at home. I know these friendships I desire can’t be built over night (though I wish they could) but I had hoped it would be tad bit easier.

My brother and I, though over most of the petty fighting, still struggle to get along at times. He is floundering a bit, I will respect his privacy and not delve into detail but his behavior and reactions to situations  causes me to wonder sometimes. Trying to be a good big sister is harder than I thought when sometimes I really just want to knock him upside the head, taking the move from his favorite tv show NCIS. I haven’t and won’t but the thought has crossed my mind.

My work career started off with a bang (pun intended) as I helped out at our church's first fireworks stand fundraiser. It was a lot of fun, a bit frustrating and definitely exhausting. The hard work of our staff and volunteer team made it an excellent venture, earning us $20,000 toward our children’s and youth departments. I have completed my first week of official work and it went really well, I think. Tomorrow will be the deciding factor as it is my first official Sunday on staff. It is a different process being on staff versus being a summer intern. I am here for the long haul and it’s a different mentality, something I am still adjusting to.

I need a hobby, an activity of some sorts that I can do on my days off and in the evenings after work. I told myself I’d start making cards (birthday, special occasions etc). I even bought supplies. Yet the supplies still remain in the bag I purchased them in. I told myself I’d get into shape but I have yet to run a mile or go to the gym.

I need to find something soon or else I’m going to turn into one lazy bum. (Only half kidding).

Looking in the rear-view mirror

As I put the final load of stuff in my car and turned in the apartment key, I was excited, ready to embark on a new adventure. As I drove out of Pullman, with the brick buildings of campus visible in my rear-view mirror, I felt tears welling up and a “oh my gosh, I’m leaving and I don’t know when I’ll be back” in my head. I knew it wouldn’t be goodbye forever; I will come back some day but the fact that its not marked on a calendar really hit me. I won’t be heading back in two months to start another year. I’ve finished my undergrad experience. I’m now considered a “working gal,” and thank God, that’s true. I’ve been blessed with a wonderful full-time job at home with an amazing and supportive staff, family and friends. As the rolling green hills of a summer Pullman left my view, a few silent tears rolled down my face. Goodbye Pullman, WSU, gale-force winds, bitter cold and comfortable heat. I hope the ads that portray “Cougs are everywhere” holds true; I will never stop being a Coug!

The adjustment has gone smoothly after being home five days. Haven’t hung out with any old friends yet but I have begun the arduous task of unpacking college things; deciding what I need, what I can store for when I move out and what I can get rid of. I came to the conclusion I have too much stuff I don’t need and that someone else could use so my donation pile turned into a box, a bag and few miscellaneous items. I always feel better after a good purge of stuff.

While this physical purge took place, I realized I also needed to begin what I’m calling a spiritual purge.  I have been collecting a lot of junk and things I don’t need and its time to get rid of them. Impressions of people I will be working with, friends of friends, impressions of the working world, of living at home again etc. and while the impressions are mostly good, I don’t want to have impressions before I’ve met people, worked with them and experienced the changes. I also have had some feelings of social anxiety that have sprung up from my past and I want to have faith and confidence in God that I don’t need to be anxious or to worry. I have also had some anger with God, for a couple different reasons and I realized its unwarranted and I need to get back into a daily relationship with Him, to purge myself of unwanted attitudes, fears, judgments, anger and worry and instead have faith and trust in the Lord that he will execute his plan when necessary.

Among other things, a large cause of this anxiety is re-entering the young adults community at church. I have frequented the group only a couple of summers in the last four years, from May-July when I return from college. Last summer I was in Australia so I missed further development of friendships within the group. I only know a small number of people in the group; I could probably count them on one hand. They have formed deep, grounded friendships within the group, some relationships even and I am on the outs. Its nothing anyone did or anything that could have really ended up any differently but I need to re-develop friendships and create new ones. Oddly, I’ve almost been better at making friends with people older than I have people my own age. I’ve always had a few good friends but I’ve never been a social butterfly.

With this new start in the young adults group, and in my job, I’m going to make a large, conscious effort to step outside that proverbial box to connect with people, old friends and hopefully new friends.

Sun, bike, trail...perfect Saturday

Yesterday I crossed off another item on my Pullman Bucket List, just in time as I have one week left in Pullman.

After conducting an interview for a freelance feature piece for the Moscow-Pullman Daily News at 8 a.m., I decided I needed to take advantage of the 65 degrees and sunny weather that finally decided to appear so I convinced myself I was going to ride the Chipman Trail from Pullman, WA to Moscow, ID and back.

Now, I don’t have a bike so I rented one from the campus Green Bike system. They aren’t the lightest or best bikes but it would serve the purpose well enough. I also checked out a helmet and bike lock and asked my mom and a friend what the bike laws are, I didn’t want to get a ticket for riding on the sidewalk.

And so I set out. It was smooth sailing most of the way, minus a few hard-core bikers telling me something was rubbing against my spokes, to which I could only reply, “Thanks, it’s a rental.” They laughed and continued on.

Once I reached the end of the trail in Moscow, I decided to continue on to the Farmer’s Market in downtown Moscow, across from the newspaper office. I took a break there and had some well deserved, I think, nectarine cobbler ice cream from a local creamery vendor. Once I had relaxed and stretched a bit, I decided it was time to head back.

About three miles into the return trip, I realized my pace was slowing so I decided to make it a leisurely ride and observe the beautiful green rolling hills and scatters of dark and light purple, orange, yellow and pink wildflowers lining the trail. With the birds chirping and singing, I couldn’t help but smile and thank God for all He created.

I made it to the edge of campus, where the hills begin and all of a sudden I couldn’t ride any longer so I took a ten-minute rest in the shade of a tree before continuing on the final two miles.

The couch in my apartment never looked so comfortable and I didn’t move for a couple hours.

Fast-forwarding to today, I realized even my well applied sunscreen was no match for the Pullman sun so my shoulders, arms and hands are quite red. At least I’ll have a bit of a tan to show off when I return to the Westside. Walking has proven a bit difficult but not as bad as I expected, in all honesty. I thought 20 miles and 50 ft. would’ve caused more soreness…well let’s say I think my bum absorbed most of the soreness.

Another adventure in Pullman comes to a close but it may have sparked an interest in bike riding, we shall see.

Paradox of Our Time

This is something I stumbled across last week that caused me to stop and analyze what I value in life and what society has grown to value.


The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, yet more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; big men and small character; steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce; fancier houses but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember to say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember to say "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
 Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Dr. Bob Moorehead is former pastor of Seattle's Overlake Christian Church. He retired in 1998 after 29 years in that post. The essay appeared in 'Words Aptly Spoken,' Dr. Moorehead's 1995 collection of prayers, homilies, and monologues used in his sermons and radio broadcasts.

The above article is clearly inspired by the poem by The Dalai Lama...

The Paradox of Our Age

We have bigger houses but smaller families;

More conveniences, but less time;

We have more degrees, but less sense;

More knowledge, but less judgment;

More experts, but more problems;

More medicines, but less healthiness;

We've been all the way to the moon and back,

but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.

We build more computers to hold more information to

produce more copies than ever but have less communication.

We have become long on quantity,

but short on quality.

These are times of fast foods but slow digestion;

Tall man but short character;

Steep profits but shallow relationships.

It's a time when there is much in the window,

but nothing in the room.

Journalistic Integrity

As a journalism student with a little professional experience, I find myself reading stories both out of personal and professional interest. It can be hard to keep personal bias from creeping into a story but a professional journalist is supposed to make the effort. A recent Seattle Times article caught my eye because it was about a dispute between a neighborhood church and some nearby homeowners. The article titled “­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Loud music at sheriff’s church rocks neighbors” appeared in the Seattle Times on June 1, 2011. Journalistic integrity requires me to disclose that the article is in fact about my hometown church.

Personal opinion and bias aside, this story appears to have a few journalistic flaws. I do not claim, or think of myself, as an expert or even an experienced journalist. My experience is limited to academic studies, a four-month internship and precious little freelance writing but I see some holes that are worth filling.

To give you a little background, Gold Creek Community Church has been in the media before, both regarding the sound issue presented here as well as for other, I believe more positive, issues and events. The church has been at its current location for a few years and they do like their music loud. This sound issue has also been reported on before by the Seattle Times.

In journalist’s point of view, the headline is supposed to sum up the story.  From the headline, a reader should assume the article is about the loud music but focused on the sheriff’s involvement.

In fact, any mention of Snohomish County Sheriff John Lovick isn’t found until a third of the way down. Those in journalism understand the inverted pyramid, where the most important aspects appear first and progress downward in terms of importance. A little background is needed to understand the issue but the focus of this article changes from what the headline suggests.

Who brought the sheriff into the story? Where are the direct quotes about why someone is bringing up the sheriff’s involvement, or lack thereof.

Is it about the ongoing conflict between the neighbors and the church? Is it about investigating any potential bias in the sheriff’s department? Is it about potential hypocritical acts of the church? All these make their way into the story. I argue they each should remain their own story.

And the qualifier ‘many’ in reference to neighbors with signs protesting the church’s loud music isn’t good enough. We need specific numbers because everyone’s interpretation of ‘many’ is different. Are there 5, 25, 100? It’s been hammered into me from day one of reporting and story writing classes.

Also, the reporter should have contacted more protestors. It feels like maybe this Guy Carcione is the only complaint. Are there more protestors, are they friends of his, are they legitimately upset about the noise?  If they’re unwilling to talk to the media, that needs to be reported so the readers can have as full access to as much information as possible.

There are multiple issues tangled within the sound issue. Is it freedom of speech, of religion? Is it an issue with the law or officials? The reporter simply needs to explore all of these (which would make one long and unreasonable story) or address them separately and fully, getting both sides.

Beginning of the End

Two and a half weeks and I will be done with my undergrad degrees...yep, plural. A surprise email from my humanities advisor said that with this final summer class, I have qualified for a second degree instead of a second major. While it might not make a large difference, it will at least look good on a resume.

As I begin to say goodbye to the student phase of my life, I relish in the chance to begin a new phase, something I’ve never done before. While I will never quit learning, I am quickly approaching the end of my traditional academic learning, at least for a couple years. Kindergarten through a bachelor’s degree, 17 years of schooling and now I am officially a full-time employee. Well, really not until July 5^th but close enough. By then I will have finished my undergraduate degree in Communications with an emphasis in Journalism, a second degree Humanities and a Spanish minor.

Through my internship at the local paper in Pullman, I realized my planned career path of a newspaper journalist wasn’t in fact my passion. It was definitely an adventure, a learning experience but the fast-paced, daily assignments didn’t allow me to really explore the subjects very well. So now my interest is feature writing, more magazine-like articles where I can delve into detail and have a bit more creative freedom in writing.

Before I embark on that journey, I’m trying my hand at another aspect of the communications world: media relations, new media and video editing. I don’t have much academic training in these areas as I do have in print journalism but I’ve had exposure and am eager and excited to try my hand. Of course, if I decide to move on from this new job at some stage, these skills are definitely transferable.

This new opportunity excites me and I have no doubt I will learn and grow lots and be challenged. Not only will I grow professionally but also personally and spiritually as it is a job within kids ministry at church. My leadership skills will be developed and I hope to help positively impact the lives of elementary school students.

For now, I must finish up this annoying two and a half weeks of class but I have some interesting preparatory reading for my new job that should keep me learning and on my toes for now.

Social Media Mis-named

Is social media really social?

As a communications major, I recently studied how social media impacts journalism. I have to say that although I’m an avid Facebook visitor (if I’m on the computer, I’m logged in, but doing other things as well). I have a Twitter account but acknowledge I could be putting it to better use. I just created a HootSuit account and have begun to explore its possibilities. I have a personal blog (duh, you’re reading it!). But what does all this mean? 

Social media is now, it is the future but part of me, maybe my I-still-love-to hold- a-newspaper-and-talk-over-coffee side, questions the impacts of social media on society. Of course, there are plenty of benefits such as easy communication across distances, low price (usually free), ease of access (anywhere there’s Wifi or 4G) and it may decrease social anxiety. I wonder how all this new media, social technology and new technology affects the face-face abilities of our youth. There have been extensive studies on how texting while driving increases the likelihood of accidents, how violent video games are more likely to lead to violent children but where are the studies examining how Twitter, Facebook etc. keep people on the computer longer, outdoors less and face-face interaction to a minimum?  You can’t tell if someone’s joking or being sarcastic in a Twitter post, generally. Social media takes the emotion out of conversation. Is it all still too “new”? Is their any correlation? From my observations and personal experiences, I think there is.

I think it is the great challenge of today for people to evaluate their use of social media. Does it keep you from picking up a newspaper or checking out a novel from the local library (do you even know where you’re local library is, gems lie in wait to be rediscovered on the dusty shelves) Are you consumed by the computer screen, staying indoors rather than taking a walk or chatting with a next door neighbor over the fence?

My grandma still writes hand-written correspondence and only logs on to email to converse with her kids and grandkids (I don’t remember the last time I wrote a hand-written letter for the heck of it). I may be one of few who are hesitant about the continual and rapid development of social media but I feel it is a concern that needs to be addressed.

Some suggestions I'm putting to use to balance my social media life with my social life are:

1. Checking Facebook once in the morning and once in the evening. Not leaving it logged in for random chats and posts.

2. During daylight, limiting my time on social media sites, 10min every couple hours or some other reasonable ratio.
3. Calling friends to catch up rather than via Facebook chat

Where do you draw the line at being “connected” in social media.

What's in a word

What’s in a word? 

I’ve always thought myself a writer, full of inspiration, motivation and things to say but after the initial idea behind this blog, I’ve found myself struggling with adequate topics. I didn’t want this blog to simply be a recount of daily activities or a myriad of thoughts and emotions. I wanted it to be something more, something I could be proud of, something I could sign my name to and possibly something to show future employers. That spark of originality has since left me struggling to fill the empty void.

With so much free time on my hands, I’ve realized how valuable friends are. I have always had a handful of trustworthy friends but I’ve never considered myself the social butterfly. However, last Saturday I turned over a new (and hopefully long-lasting) leaf. I kicked the social nerves to the curb.

I ventured to the Moscow, ID Farmer’s Market with a couple friends, where I tried some delicious garbanzo beans and rice. Later I met different friends at a WSU baseball game on a lovely Saturday afternoon before enjoying some friendly sand volleyball with the summer residence life staff. Later we gathered to watch movies. I had a blast just being social and laughing, not caring what others might think of me, something I think has held me back in the past. I wonder how this re-discovered sociality would transfer to life after college, where multitudes of friends do not surround me.

Friends back home have spread out across the region. Some continue on to graduate school while others search for jobs, wherever they can find them. I have a few friends at church that I hope and plan to reconnect with but this also brings about some nervousness. I’ve known these people for a few years but we mostly just developed summer friendships as every Fall I returned to WSU, 5hrs on the other side of the state. Within the young adults group, friendships have grown tighter and relationships have developed in my absence. I feel I missed out on some of those friendship cultivations by leaving every Fall and returning late Spring. Three months is a short time to create deep friendship bonds.

This last time I drive away from Pullman is sure to bring a mixed bag of emotions: joy for now being a college graduate, excitement to start a new adventure, fear of the known. I have faith that everything will work out and I will be where I am supposed to be, no doubt with a little nervousness, confusion and excitement.

The woman in the mirror saw a shy, naïve girl but today, I see a young woman, full of passion and faith, confident in herself.

Summer School-too chill?

Hype of summer school falls short.

I always heard summer school was more relaxed, less people around and more fun than a typical semester. With five people in my class, an hour and a half of class five days a week and maybe 30min of homework a day, summer session is definitely more relaxed. This relaxed atmosphere is a welcome change from the hustle and bustle of an internship, being an RA and a full load of classes last semester but I’m struggling to fill all the extra time.

No Internet and no cable at the apartment make filling that time even more difficult. So I’ve decided it will be even more motivation to workout and read novels (for fun)!

This weekend I read 250 pages of Sally Morgan’s My Place. The novel is an aboriginal’s autobiography of growing up in a predominately white Australia and discovering herself within the white confines of society. My interest in Aboriginal Australia is left over from my studies abroad. I never knew how similar the histories of Australia and the U.S. were until I studied Australian history. Once I finish this novel (hopefully by the end of today), I have a couple others with me but I have also been thinking about trying to work my way through the 2011 BBC Book Challenge list. We’ll see how that goes.

As for working out, I managed to jog to the REC on Sunday and spent about an hour and a half working out, doing a little bit of everything. I realized I really need to work on my upper body strength, seeing as I have none. I’m also going to work on endurance but all of this takes motivation and self-discipline, something I’m going to have to work on this summer too. I failed to make it to the gym on Monday but hopefully I can get back in the next day or two. I heard it takes 30 days to develop a routine. I can cross off one day.

The weather has also been less than encouraging in terms of working out. As the rain drizzles on for the second day, I’m less motivated to make the jog from the apartment uphill to the REC center, even though its only 0.5 miles.

I have, however, been more social than I expected. I have spent the last three evenings hanging out with friends and it has been good. I’ve hung out with friends I should’ve kept in better contact with and I’ve met some new friends along the way. Hopefully this trend continues.

Looking Back

(Originally this was to be posted before graduation but with finals and the excitement of graduation, somehow it was forgotten)

Graduation. A word society has placed much meaning on. An event students and parents look forward to.

Parents treasure the kindergarten graduation as it signifies the beginning of a 13-year journey of basic education. Graduation from high school signifies a right of passage from childhood to adulthood.

But what does graduation from college signify? Is it that another four years of education somehow makes one smarter and more well equipped to tackle society’s issues?

Tomorrow brings a new day and a new journey of sorts.  Though not officially a graduate until August due to one elusive class (but that’s a story for another day), walking through commencement presents a mixed bag of emotions:

Excited to be done with school, at least for a while.

Joyful to be earning money instead of spending thousands of dollars every six months.

Nervous to find a job and career to be passionate about.

Unending gratitude for those who have helped and inspired throughout the ups and downs of 17 years of schooling.

The list could go on and on.

Tomorrow will be a day for the books for sure. Family and friends gather to congratulate those who have survived unfair professors and difficult assignments. Tears of happiness, laughter and cheers will fill the venue.

That tiny piece of paper (that you don’t actually receive at graduation) represents thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours worth of studying.

I only hope I don’t trip and fall when I shake the university president’s hand and take that diploma cover.

The first day of my last class as a WSU undergrad.

Woke up early to the garbage truck outside my window and gray clouds filling the sky. This pretty much sums up my attitude to another six weeks of class. 

Not wanting to figure out the bus schedule this morning, I put on my raincoat, grab my umbrella and hot tea, turn on my iPod and set out for what might be a long trek to class. But alas, I managed to time it perfectly and happened upon the bus at the right moment for a ride to campus.

While this foot-trek looks long, cold and wet, I told myself it would be good for me. It would be one step  to being in shape, something I let go a long time ago. The past couple weeks were stressful and thus I retreated to soda and junk food for energy and late night munchies.  Now that I have ample amounts of time, I am telling myself I need to use it for good.

Instead of wasting hours on end on the computer, I’m going to read novels. With unreliable Internet at the apartment, I hope this encourages my endeavor to regain my love of reading.

Instead of sitting around watching TV, I’m going to workout at the rec center.

Why is it so hard to do the things you love during school? Everyone encourages you to take time for yourself, do some of the things you enjoy instead of being bogged down with work and school responsibilities. When you do find that elusive free time during a normal academic year, the last thing you want to do is read more or leave the comfort of your room and bed.

This summer will be different, I promise. My accountability is this blog so I ask you to demand these expectations I’ve set for myself.