As I put the final load of stuff in my car and turned in the apartment key, I was excited, ready to embark on a new adventure. As I drove out of Pullman, with the brick buildings of campus visible in my rear-view mirror, I felt tears welling up and a “oh my gosh, I’m leaving and I don’t know when I’ll be back” in my head. I knew it wouldn’t be goodbye forever; I will come back some day but the fact that its not marked on a calendar really hit me. I won’t be heading back in two months to start another year. I’ve finished my undergrad experience. I’m now considered a “working gal,” and thank God, that’s true. I’ve been blessed with a wonderful full-time job at home with an amazing and supportive staff, family and friends. As the rolling green hills of a summer Pullman left my view, a few silent tears rolled down my face. Goodbye Pullman, WSU, gale-force winds, bitter cold and comfortable heat. I hope the ads that portray “Cougs are everywhere” holds true; I will never stop being a Coug!
The adjustment has gone smoothly after being home five days. Haven’t hung out with any old friends yet but I have begun the arduous task of unpacking college things; deciding what I need, what I can store for when I move out and what I can get rid of. I came to the conclusion I have too much stuff I don’t need and that someone else could use so my donation pile turned into a box, a bag and few miscellaneous items. I always feel better after a good purge of stuff.
While this physical purge took place, I realized I also needed to begin what I’m calling a spiritual purge. I have been collecting a lot of junk and things I don’t need and its time to get rid of them. Impressions of people I will be working with, friends of friends, impressions of the working world, of living at home again etc. and while the impressions are mostly good, I don’t want to have impressions before I’ve met people, worked with them and experienced the changes. I also have had some feelings of social anxiety that have sprung up from my past and I want to have faith and confidence in God that I don’t need to be anxious or to worry. I have also had some anger with God, for a couple different reasons and I realized its unwarranted and I need to get back into a daily relationship with Him, to purge myself of unwanted attitudes, fears, judgments, anger and worry and instead have faith and trust in the Lord that he will execute his plan when necessary.
Among other things, a large cause of this anxiety is re-entering the young adults community at church. I have frequented the group only a couple of summers in the last four years, from May-July when I return from college. Last summer I was in Australia so I missed further development of friendships within the group. I only know a small number of people in the group; I could probably count them on one hand. They have formed deep, grounded friendships within the group, some relationships even and I am on the outs. Its nothing anyone did or anything that could have really ended up any differently but I need to re-develop friendships and create new ones. Oddly, I’ve almost been better at making friends with people older than I have people my own age. I’ve always had a few good friends but I’ve never been a social butterfly.
With this new start in the young adults group, and in my job, I’m going to make a large, conscious effort to step outside that proverbial box to connect with people, old friends and hopefully new friends.
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