'Fresh Start' but Where's the Start?

I can't find the start line.

So I’ve been MIA for a while, no worthy explanation except that I got lazy. Lazy in a lot of areas and it has led to dissatisfaction; dissatisfaction with my relationship with the Lord, with my social life, with my relationship with my brother. I’m not trying to sound depressed or pitiful but I am stating these dissatisfactions so that they are written down with more permanence, in hopes that friends and family can help keep me accountable! (That’s you!)

Most importantly I have not maintained a daily relationship with the Lord. I pray most days but it’s usually a prayer of want, not a prayer of thanks. I don’t feel like I’m having a conversation with God. I’m a leader in kid’s ministry, on staff with the church and yet I don’t feel like a leader. I can’t say why, yet, but I can’t see the potential impact I could have on kids. I know being a part of the kidsmin team is important, don’t get me wrong but I want to have a direct impact on kids’ relationships with the Lord. I don’t know if this feeling is because I don’t have the relationship with the Lord I desire for myself or because I’ve been lazy or something else entirely.

My social life has not improved much since the last post. I have yet to hang out with many friends, no matter how many text inquiries I send out. Maybe that’s the problem, not having a clear idea of what I want to do and not flat out asking friends to hang out. I have not connected with the YA group much yet, I went to the first Thursday night small group, missed the monthly ‘hang out’ small group because of a funeral and last week’s small group was canceled. Now most of my YA friends are on the high school retreat so I've spent the weekend at home. I know these friendships I desire can’t be built over night (though I wish they could) but I had hoped it would be tad bit easier.

My brother and I, though over most of the petty fighting, still struggle to get along at times. He is floundering a bit, I will respect his privacy and not delve into detail but his behavior and reactions to situations  causes me to wonder sometimes. Trying to be a good big sister is harder than I thought when sometimes I really just want to knock him upside the head, taking the move from his favorite tv show NCIS. I haven’t and won’t but the thought has crossed my mind.

My work career started off with a bang (pun intended) as I helped out at our church's first fireworks stand fundraiser. It was a lot of fun, a bit frustrating and definitely exhausting. The hard work of our staff and volunteer team made it an excellent venture, earning us $20,000 toward our children’s and youth departments. I have completed my first week of official work and it went really well, I think. Tomorrow will be the deciding factor as it is my first official Sunday on staff. It is a different process being on staff versus being a summer intern. I am here for the long haul and it’s a different mentality, something I am still adjusting to.

I need a hobby, an activity of some sorts that I can do on my days off and in the evenings after work. I told myself I’d start making cards (birthday, special occasions etc). I even bought supplies. Yet the supplies still remain in the bag I purchased them in. I told myself I’d get into shape but I have yet to run a mile or go to the gym.

I need to find something soon or else I’m going to turn into one lazy bum. (Only half kidding).