February 13, 2021 - Day 8

 Prompt: Continue the story "For once the fulgent sun was not a welcome sight..."

(Yes, this actually was the prompt for the day.)

Response: For once the fulgent sun was not a welcome sight as the greater Seattle area was finally getting long-awaited snow. 

    The PNW is known for its rainstorms and almost-constant drizzle but snow is a less frequent sight, especially in the Seattle area. Normally I long for the warm, dazzling sun come late Spring and into Summer. Summer is never long enough here in the PNW; in fact its barely long enough to get a good base tan. I'm definitely a summer gal, ready for outdoor adventures to parks, hikes to waterfalls and simply sitting outside reading a good book after ending work for the day. But today, I do not long for Summer but relish the cold, crisp air and the soft white powder accumulating at my feet. Even without the sun, the day is bright and cheery as light reflects off the white blanket covering the ground and the sound of laughter trails down the street as children crash their sleds at the bottom of the hill. There is also a sense of calm and quiet that comes with the snow, though I'm not sure why. It's peaceful to watch it glistening at dusk, all the children home for hot chocolate and warm beef stew. Snow changes the pace of life and it's a pace a quite enjoy. So for this weekend, I bid the dream of sunny warmth goodbye and instead rest beside the cozy wood-burning fireplace flickering in the dark; looking forward to the adventures a snowy Sunday will bring.

February 2, 2021 - Day 7

Prompt: Elmore Leonard famously advised not to start a novel with a description of the weather. Break that rule and write about today's weather.

Response: Today's weather is why every out-of-stater thinks Seattle is the rainy city. Water droplets fell down in a constant pattern of disarray. Gray billowing clouds filled the sky, with tiny peaks of sun as the atmospheric wind shifted the puffs. Puddles forming in gravel driveways reminds owners of the neglected summer project of a french drain. Chickens huddle under a structure, darting out to grab the quick bug or worm and trying to dodge the water droplet. The dog runs outside to relieve himself, takes a quick drink from a nearby puddle on the pavement and is right back at the door wanting to come in, with muddy paws and wet-dog smell. This weather causes drowsiness in a morning Zoom meeting and is reminder to be grateful for the wood-burning stove keeping the house warm and cozy. Just before sunset, the clouds part with noticeable space between each puff and the sun streams through, a reminder that the dreary is always followed by the bright and cheerful. Not enough time for a quick family walk before the sunsets but the peak-a-boo sun was a refreshing end to the day.

January 25, 2021 - Day 6

 *Warning, today's is a long post. I had some extra time after baby went to bed and this prompt was a fun one for me.

Prompt: Stendhal Syndrome, sometimes also called hyperkulturemia or Florence Syndrome (the city where Stendhal himself first swooned), is the psychosomatic disorder of being physically overwhelmed by art and tends to overtake tourists in cities highly saturated with museums and public artwork, especially when the traveler doesn't speak the language. Put yourself in the shoes of a tourist in Paris, experiencing its thrall.

Response: I stepped out of the jetway into the airport terminal with nervous excitement. As we were landing, I tried my best to understand the flight attendant's instructions in French but only passed the language barrier because each sentence was spoken in French and then in English. My minor in Spanish is not helping me now. As I stroll through the airport to baggage claim I see posters advertising iconic monuments such as the Eiffel Tower, Arc de Triomphe and Notre-Dame. I see listings for world-renowned art exhibits appearing at the Louvre. I had thoroughly examined each page of my Frommers travel book for France, ear-marking pages and highlighting names of places high on my To-Visit list.

First stop was to check-in to my quaint Air BnB apartment nestled above shops filled with fresh flowers and a cafe with the strong, sweet aroma of coffee and fresh pastries. That cafe will become a part of my morning routine without a doubt.

I decide on an early evening flipping through my guide book yet again, mapping out my plan for the following day, ever-so-eager to start checking off places on my list. I check to make sure my phone is charging properly as it will serve as my camera to document my adventures around Paris. I know which monuments are within walking distance to which museums, and which I need to find an alternate mode of transportation. I count and recount my euros, place some in my cross-body purse, hide some in a jean pocket and yet others in my sock...yes, I've read safety tips for traveling in foreign countries and I'm prepared.

My first full day starts before sunrise as I coerce myself to overcome the jet lag and desire to go back to sleep so that I can make it to the Trocadero at sunrise to see the reflection of the Eiffel Tower in the fountain waters. Not only do sunrises offer stunning photo opportunities, you tend to beat the height of the tourist rush hours the earlier start you get. After a couple hours of climbing to view points in the Iron Lady of Paris,  I then wandered the surrounding streets and take a quick lunch break in a grass field looking up at the towering structure of grace and strength.

In the afternoon I wander around a bit more, just taking in the sights, sounds and people-gazing. Such an eclectic mix of cultures and languages mesh together at one of the most popular sites in the world. I find a few cute stores to peruse, quickly realizing I found a high-end fashion block that is well-beyond my budget. I grab a few food staples from a nearby market and head back to the apartment I'm renting to plan my next day. 

The Louvre is pretty-much an all-day commitment, I've determined. Now, I'm not especially intrigued by all things art but the vast amount of pieces on display, the history and culture behind them and the fact that I really want to take time to ponder the paintings, like you see in so many movies, meant I was committing my entire day to this museum with glass triangles emerging from the walkway.

By the end I'm emotionally drained, there is something magical and overwhelming about this place. Like I said, I'm not overly artistic, I don't become emotional over art but boy, I did today. How can you not with everything from exquisitely details sculptures to rare antiquities and of course some of the most famous paintings known to mankind. Like so many others, the works of the marvelous Leonardo De Vinci occupied at least a couple hours of my time alone. Now since photos and videos are prohibited, I pulled out my trusty journal and pen and tried to carve out time to sit and experience the art around me. I write notes, I scribble words of emotions I'm experiencing and I create list of my favorite works. I don't want to forget anything.

By the time I'm back at the apartment with a bottle of red wine, a fresh baguette (side note - they don't call them "French" baguettes in France), some cheese and fresh fruit. I pop off my shoes, hop on the bed and have picnic right there, reflecting back again on all I saw today, scrolling photos until my eyes just can't absorb any more. Even with the sturdy, supportive walking shoes, my feet are showing signs of the miles I've walked so far. Little do they know this is only the first leg.

Three more days of walking, touring, sputtering the few French words and phrases I've learned and my eyes start to glaze over. My exuberance of being in a new place is starting to wane slightly. I'm running low on money and energy. I start to mixup places I've been and what I saw where. I have to scan my photos to jog my memory, and I've only been here five days. At least the owner of the cafe knows my order and greets me with a friendly 'Bonjour'. The images I tried so hard to keep fresh in my head start to become more of a blurred collage, one monument fading into another, almost like painting with watercolors and using too much water. Colors fade and run together and the shape is no longer what it started out as.

My final morning is spent rushing to re-pack my suitcase, make sure my plane ticket, passport and what little cash is left are organized and kept in safekeeping. All my souvenirs barely fit, my phone camera roll is dangerously close to 100% and if I buy one more notebook, my suitcase will be over the weight limit. As I finally sit down in my seat on the plane, I think back to my trip. I start with clear, crisp images and by the time we are lifting off the runway, my eyes are heavy, my memories swirl like when you spin too fast and everything is a blur and suddenly I'm completely overcome with the exhaustion I was able to fend off the days before. There is a fine balance between having enough time to feel like you've experienced the city without missing the big parts and spending too much time and experience observation overload. I think I found that sweet spot since I was able to enjoy the days and generally remember what I saw, felt, heard but without becoming so bogged down to not appreciate what was in front of me.

Back home to plan the next adventure to a foreign city, maybe this time Spain or Guetmala where the language barrier would be far less tiresome and daunting.

*No, I've not been to Paris yet but it is on the Dream List*

January 8, 2021 - Day 4

Edit - I typed this on January 8th but apparently forgot to hit "publish".

Prompt: Every scar tells a story. Write the story of a scar you know well - yours or someone else's.

Response: I feel like I'm talking about Reagan's birth a lot so far in these posts but I guess it's because it's the most recent, big event and most exciting thing to happen in a while. I have the typical c-section scar.  It runs about 6 inches across my lower abdomen, right about where my pant's waistband hits (that was fun the first few weeks). It is red in color and slightly raised. Peeling off the bandage a week after the surgery was a bit difficult because I still had a bit of the baby belly and couldn't fully see the area without looking in the mirror. 

This scar is both beautiful and ugly in it's own ways. Beautiful because it was how my gorgeous first babe entered this world, albeit not the way I had planned and prepped for. I was told a few weeks before that my breach baby was no longer break, hallelujah! After being contorted like an acrobat, butt down for most of the pregnancy, I was elated to hear she had moved to make for an easier, more natural birth. We were in the hospital not more than 2hrs before the rush decision was made to prepare for a c-section because infant, baby was butt first and labor was progressing too quickly to turn her. So my plan for a vaginal and possible natural (depending on paid tolerance) switch to a medicated c-section in a matter of minutes. So fast in fact, I barely had time to process what was going on until I was laying in the operating room waiting for the epidural to fully quick in. That's when the few tears slowly slipped down my face as I tried to discreetly turn away from as many eyes as possible. I was nervous, I was scared and I was disappointed to add this c-section to the ever-growing lists of pregnancy disappointments that had developed because of the pandemic.

Everything went smoothly during surgery and out came this wide-eyed beautiful blessing of a daughter. Recovery was a lot harder than I imagined, who knew just how much your abdominal muscles really worked in every day life. Getting up from the couch was difficult, holding baby was difficult at times and walking upstairs to my nice, comfy bed was just not going to happen the first week.

The scar is a reminder of her birth and the joy that being a mom brings but I would be lying if I didn't say there's a tiny part of me that wishes she had chosen to grace us with her presence a different way. But we are both healthy, happy and looking forward to hopefully experiencing a VBAC with her young sibling sometime in the future. (No we are not pregnant nor planning to be anytime soon).

January 14, 2021 - Day 5

Prompt: Think of a person and describe his or her personality through writing about a cup they often drink from (real or imagined).

Response: This coffee cup is stainless steel - strong, heat-retaining, tough to damage or break. A muted burgundy red color on the outside with the company name etched out so the letters show in the silver color from the base material. Not bright in color but a deep, warm color reminiscent of the local area school colors. It has a capacity to hold 24oz of liquid, more than your standard coffee cup. It is able to maintain the liquid's temperature for 3-4x longer than the standard coffee cup. It doesn't fit in a standard vehicle cup holder so it sits next to it's owner on the seat...but it's always in the truck on a weekday morning. At times it has week-old coffee remnants after being temporarily misplaced out in the shop on a workbench after an early, frosty morning preparing equipment for the day. It is a hand-wash only cup, usually washed by the owner's wife and left out to air dry. It rarely makes it back in the cupboard but rather is washed and drying on the counter in the evening and being filled again by 6:30am the following morning. Oh, and it only ever holds coffee. This is not a hot tea or hot cocoa mug.

January 7, 2021 - Day 3

Prompt: Think over the past week. What was the strangest or funniest thing you witnessed?

Response: Well the strangest thing I witnessed this week was the complete breakdown of US democracy. After President Trump spoke to supporters in Washington D.C., a majority of them (and possibly other instigators like ATIFA) marched to the Capitol and attacked with a majority of the House and Senate in session to confirm the electoral votes for president-elect Biden. These people were destructive, harmful and one person is dead as a result of a gun shot wound from capital police, according to the reports. Regardless of political views, political parties, race, religion, etc - the attack on the Capitol was unnecessary, disrespectful and heart-wrenching. The United States used to be a prime example of the democratic process, of true and fair elections and that was all smashed to smithereens over the last few months, culminating in the events of yesterday.

It's been a tumultuous year with the pandemic, the BLM & ANTIFA marches and riots that caused so much physical harm and destruction, autonomous zones CHOP and CHAZ, police brutality and attacks on law enforcement, fiery political races and presidential election, voter fraud accusations and now the domestic terrorism at the Capitol. 

What a year...this is the strangest last 10 months I've witnessed and I pray it is the strangest I will ever witness.

January 5, 2021 - Day 2

Well, I'm off to a rockin' start...I've missed days 2-4. But I'm not dwelling on the misses but focusing on the day at hand.

Prompt: Select a family photo, then write about the things you can't see in the picture.

Response:

You can't see the pure, boundless love we have for baby Reagan, only a few days into her life outside the womb. There is also unseen (Ok, maybe you can see a bit in my puffy eyes) exhaustion and pain from a c-section. You can't see that I spent 95% of the first week after her birth on that couch, because I couldn't walk up the steep stairs to our bedroom, let alone climb in/out of our bed. You can't see Caleb's makeshift bed on a futon across the room because he didn't want to leave me and baby downstairs while he slept upstairs. You can't see my emotional struggle comprehending and accepting her birth story - an unplanned, emergency c-section only 2 hours after being admitted to the hospital because little miss was coming fast but breach. You can't see my sadness and depression that my pride and joy, my firstborn, would not get to meet friends and family as soon as I would've liked due to COVID-19. That I couldn't take her out and have people fawn over her and comment how cute and wide-eyed she was. You can't see my sigh of relief that my parents were able to fly in from Ohio and stay for a week, I would've been absolutely heartbroken if COVID-19 kept my parents from meeting their first grandchild. You can't see that Tucker adores his human sister and loves to snuggle up with the family during story time but also thinks he inherits any baby toy that squeaks.

January 1, 2021 - Day 1

Prompt: In her essay "Fail Better," Zadie Smith says, "The very reason I write is so that I might not sleepwalk through my entire life." Why do you write? What does it do for you?

Response: Well, those are two good questions. I haven't written much of anything besides some prayer journaling, and sentimental greetings in birthday cards over the past year. Some of it was due to lack of time (or so I thought), some of it was laziness (easier to turn on a mindless tv show) and some of it was not knowing what to write about or where to write it...blank paper journal with a pencil, prompted journal with a pen, phone app, computer word document, blog. So many mediums, so many options and too many content ideas to know where to start. Well I found this prompted journal collecting dust on my bookshelf and decided to give it a go, again. Hoping the blog will help keep me a little more motivated as this is public for all to see. If you're reading and are a personal friend or family, please feel free to gently encourage/motivate me if I fall behind.

So why do I write. 

I guess similarly to Zadie Smith, I want to write so that I have something to look back on. To remember the little details that might get lost in the fogs of memories. It's also a way for me to sift through thoughts, emotions and observations. To make sense of things, to draw conclusions and simply a place to brain dump . Maybe some day I'll be in a place to use my writing to positively impact others. 

What does writing do for me.

It gives me an outlet to write everything I'm thinking, feeling and seeing and the ability to either share it or leave it for the eventual disintegration into the abyss. It's a stress-reliever, a memory-keeper and hopefully a catalyst to cause me to focus more on the things around me. In order to write about things, you must observe those things. Recognize their shape, color, smell, feel, sound, etc. You can't adequately describe an object or event without first taking notice of it. 

Like Smith said, I don't want to sleepwalk through life.

New Year, New Start...Again.

Does anybody read and follow blogs anymore or has the stories feature of Instagram taken the place of blogs? I guess we'll find out.

As a new year begins, I think many of us look back and celebrate the good, try to learn from the bad and make plans for the new. 

Especially this year I think most of us are ready to start fresh, start new and say "goodbye" to the year 2020 - one filled with a pandemic, quarantines, lost jobs, lost lives, closed restaurants and businesses, little interaction with extended family and friends and a whole lot more struggles. There are good things to come from 2020 - for me the best being my daughter Reagan who joined us May 26, 2020. While pregnancy and her birth did not go the way I had imagined and planned, she's here, she's healthy and becoming a mom is far better than all the negatives of the year combined.

A lot of us tend to use the new year as a jumping off point to make resolutions, set new intentions, make new goals and dream about the future. We don't really need a new year to do any of those things, or a new month, or a Monday. We can use every day and any day to set new goals or start a new habit. But alas, I still use the new year to do all of those things.

I used to love to write, and read. There are people who tell me I'm a good writer (I'll thank my dad and middle school English teacher for that). And yet, the last couple years I've let the responsibilities of adult-ing (work, being a wife, keeping a household running, cooking, cleaning, and now becoming a mom) de-prioritize those things that bring me joy (not that those other things don't by any means). It seems the world is getting back into finding hobbies amidst the stay-at-home orders. 

So with that, I'm going to begin to write again. I attempted to do this a couple years ago and like many new year resolutions, intentions or whatever you choose to call them, it slipped away.

I have a daily writing-prompt journal that I will be going through and my intention is to use this blog as that journal, sharing with you the prompts and my responses. It is a daily journal and I will try to post here as often as I can but I know I can't commit to daily, being realistic here. 

Beyond that, I don't have a plan for this blog but if you're interested in reading my attempts at creativity in written word, feel free to follow along. If you like to write, feel free to use those prompts to spark your own written adventure. This blog is just as much for me as anything, or anyone else. 

Are you a reader?

I used to be a voracious reader. I was the child secretly staying up late with a flashlight under the covers reading Nancy Drew and Harry Potter books. I think college ruined reading a bit for me because during college all my reading was homework and then post-college, the  habit of using tv to relax rather than a book continued.

2018 is a year I'll never forget, I already know it. I'm getting married to the love of my life and starting the adventure of married life and it's a dream fulfilled. God has also given me visions for different areas of ministry I'm involved with and my soul is ablaze to start working on developing these visions. I also challenged myself with some specific goals with detailed plans on how I would achieve them so I'm desperately trying to create good habits that create a passion-filled, fulfilling, God-honoring life. Our church has a phrase "The best is yet to come!" and that's my 2018 phrase.

Here's the 2nd (wow, 2 posts in 15 days, not how I wanted to start this but it is what it is).

 - Spend a few moments writing about a book that inspires you. -

I recently finish a book (after starting it 3 separate times) that was the catalyst for my ministry visions. The Hole in the Gospel by Richard Sterns (retiring President of World Vision) explores the issue of poverty and it's related issues and the responsibility we have as Christians help those in need. As the current volunteer Director of my church's Child Sponsorship program, La Bendición, it was clear from the first few chapters that this book was going to be immensely inspirational. I started the book 3 separate times before finishing it because I kept getting distracted by ideas and dreams. It inspired me to use the skills I have been given and the relationships I've built over the years to fulfill God's calling. One of the greatest take aways from the book was that we can work to do what we think is right but if it's not God-ordained and following His plan, then you'll never maximize your potential. My head is still spinning with ideas and dreams but my focus needs to be making sure that those dreams and plans I put in motion are where God is leading.

Writing...back at it!

Well, a year and a half of no posts, I was surprised to find this blog still accessible. I journal, pen/paper style, off and on, more of a prayer journal than anything else but haven't done any significant writing in years. I bought this book titled Q&A a Day for Writers back in Christmas 2016 and just now found it again while unpacking. It's a journal of sorts, 365 questions for creative exploration. Each day has a different writing prompt, question, etc and I've decided I will use this blog space as an electronic journal and to share this creative exploration adventure with all of you - my family, friends and anyone else who stumbles across this. I'm hoping that sharing it publicly will provide for some much needed accountability. I'd like to say I will post every day but being realistic, that probably won't happen - especially since it's January 2nd and I'm just now starting. ;) Well, here it goes...

Day 1 - In her essay "Fail Better," Zadie Smith says, "The very reason I write is so that I might not sleepwalk through my entire life." Why do you write? What does it do for you?

I guess the reason I write depends on the type of writing I'm doing. Most recently, I write as a form of  prayer. I write to document my prayers to God so that I'm able to look back and reflect on how God has fulfilled my prayers and His promises to me. It has become a faith-builder for me and a reminder of how much God loves and cares for me. I have dreams of writing a book, about what I have no idea.

Day 2 - Studies have shown that thousands of personality traits can be linked to handwriting. Use a handwriting sample to inspire a character sketch.

She writes in fluid cursive, seamlessly transitioning from one letter into the next without breaking the connection between pen and paper. The pen moves with poise, dignity and a sense or purpose. No ink bleeds or hesitations, she knows exactly what she's saying. It's almost as if the words can't come quick enough. The only breaks come with new words, crossing t's and dotting i's, and punctuation. Her letters are large, almost grandiose in form. Large, sweeping tails provide a sense of elegance, indicative of her status in the family. As the last serving grandparent, she leads the family through kindness and positivity. Technology escapes her, she much prefers the seemingly archaic pen and paper. In the world of instant communication through text, email and IM...she prefers to wait in anticipation for the mailman who delivers responses from her friends, though the responses are usually shorter and in a shaky, harsh scribble indicative of their age. Yet her handwriting is an art form, something that she has taken great pride in over the last 90 years

Checking Away the Checkbox

I survived the first week of my Spiritual Disciplines class and I managed to submit the weekly milestone paper about 6 hours before the Sunday midnight deadline. The two toughest parts of the week were trying to get back into the habit of consistent homework and writing a bibliography. I struggled a little finding at least four nights a week to read, comment on the online discussion threads and write the reflection papers, but the structure of an online course is pretty rigid that you comment a certain number of times throughout a week. Bibliographies are not my strong suit. I reference the works I'm quoting or pulling ideas from within the paper but putting the author, title, publisher, date, etc in the right order was always a bit of a challenge.

We are exploring the disciplines of solitude, silence and sabbath and how intertwined they are. It has been interesting, challenging and a little intimidating. I have a hard time being in silence and being in complete solitude with God. Even studying or writing this blog, I have the tv on, my phone dings to let me know I have a text and I can only stay focused for so long before I need a break...oh ya did I mention the cat that feels like she has to be in my lap as much as possible.

I'll take some time here soon to do some reflecting and sharing publicly  but for now, I've done my allotted reading and responding for the day so I'm off to watch  little tv and head to bed.

I'm going back to school...sort of!

So it's been a while, a long while, since I've posted a blog entry. I can make a bunch of excuses but really, it comes down to I lost motivation and I got lazy.  If it's a true passion, which I believe writing is for me, then I need to do it, no ifs, ands or buts.

So here goes it...

I am challenging myself starting today. I work full-time as a mortgage loan processor and 3 weeks ago I started with a new company. The details of why I moved companies are mute. They aren't worth my writing time or your reading time. What's done is done.

Even before the job change I knew I wasn't living life to the fullest. I was struggling to find joy and passion in the every day. I became complacent, complaining, lazy and probably a little depressed. When compared to the grand scheme of things, I shouldn't have been feeling any of those things but I was and am.

I needed something outside of work to really focus on, to push me to become better and stronger in my faith. So I decided to join the Working Professional Internship through Hope International University and Gold Creek Community Church. I'm a student again!

I love learning but need the structure of a classroom setting, with homework and deadlines. So today marks the start of journaling the journey.

I'm 26 and spending the next 9 months take 4 classes that will hopefully ignite a deeper level of Faith and relationship with God. Along with classes, the internship requires significant volunteering at church in a certain area. So I expect to be busy but hope to not let that excuse deter me from spending time cultivating my friendships, relaxing and enjoy the life I get to live here on earth.

I don't know what this journal will turn into, I'm not writing it for you but for me and if you happen to read along, fantastic. Maybe this journal will have a larger impact than just my ramblings at the moment. Like I said, life is sort of a jumbled mess right now so I guess it's appropriate this blog entry feels a bit like a jumbled mess.

With that, I'm signing off after doing a 3rd of the required reading for the week. Here goes nothing and everything all at once!

Amore Showcase

Let me start this by saying I am NOWHERE near the point of planning my wedding…well SERIOUSLY planning anyways! I’m like most girls and enjoy looking at wedding dresses, decorations and photo plans for my special day, mostly via Pinterest.

Well let me tell you where I will be Friday night, and where you should be too!

Amore Wedding Showcase @ The Event Center at Gold Creek. I know the most important question on your mind: how much is it? Well, hold on to your computer or cup of coffee, it’s FREE. 100% FREE and you can get entered in a raffle for awesome prizes listed below. And delectable desserts and cocktails. And lots of local vendor booths to browse through (flowers, photography, wedding planner, venue, catering and more)! And it’s all FREE!

The venue will be set up in a mock wedding so you can start picturing you’re wedding (or event). While this may seem interesting to us women who are dreaming or planning our wedding, its also for those who are looking for great local, affordable venues to host clients, training sessions and business conferences.

So here are the deets-

When: Friday, April 13, 7-9pm

Where: The Event Center at Gold Creek

            4326 148^th St SE, Mill Creek, WA 98012

What: Amore Wedding Showcase

Cost: FREE FREE FREE

Raffle Prizes (must go to this link to get ticket)

www.amoreshowcase.eventbrite.com

-One $400 engagement photo shoot by Alex Commer Photography 

-Three short centerpieces from Anna's Flowers! 

That’s a total of four items you can WIN, but you have to come to the Showcase!! 

Grab your friends, mom, aunt and sister and meet me there! At the very least, it’s a night out with family and friends enjoying an intimate setting sipping on a cocktail and eating delicious food! At the very most, you could plan your whole wedding in a few short hours!

Lessons from the Lorax

So I wanted to see The Lorax (2012) movie but I didn't necessarily want to go by myself as a 23 year old. I needed some kids to go with me. And of course, I asked my good friend Alex Johnson if I could borrow, I mean babysit, his two adorable kiddos. Now don't think I just used them, I love them like they are my younger brother and sister and since their mom was out of town, I figured the kids and I would have a fun date night together while dad went to a dinner party.

Any movie based on a Dr. Seuss book is bound to be entertaining. I did a report on Tim Geisel and the messages he sends through his creative rhymes and stories. The Lorax movie was no exception. It stayed true to the book with the animation, the colors and most importantly the messages.

The most obvious message is that of corporate greed. The Once-ler promised to chop down just one tree but the Lorax saw the danger in that. In the end, the Once-ler chopped down every last truffula tree. He didn't care that he chopped down all the trees, he didn't care that he pushed out all the animals. He listened to the voice of the consumer and greed. He sold out all he saw for the green. And in the end, he lived in a run-down old shack, no friends and no family. He lived in smog and grayness. All the color, all the life was sucked right out of that place. He eventually realized his mistakes as he shares his story and hands over the last truffula seed with this quote, "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not."

This quote hit home inside of me but outside of the movie. In my last post I let you into a glimpse of the struggles I'm struggling through. This quotes addresses my attitude toward those issues. If I don't care about where I am and where I want to go, who will? If I don't care about friendships and my relationship with God, nothing will get better. So why do I dwell on the negatives and 'what ifs' when I should be focusing on what I can do because I am the one who ultimately can make a change for the better.

But back to the Lorax's messages.

Along with the quote I quoted above, the Once-Ler says "Its not about what it is, its about what it can become". Inspiration hits again. It is purely our choice if we leave things how they are or work to make them something bigger and better. Sure, we all could use the encouragement of friends and family, sometimes we need the harsh realities to hit us in the face. Yes, I pray to God for guidance, strength and opportunities but its up to me to see and take hold of those opportunities He provides. We can always do something to make something become bigger and better. (But remember the first lesson we learned from the Lorax, financial success isn't all its cracked up to be.)

The Lorax said "A tree falls the way it leans. Be careful which way you lean." Again, the concept may seem obvious but do we actually believe and understand it. If you lean towards material success; having the newest, coolest car, sexy clothes, the biggest house and most expensive toys; that's fine, just look at where you might fall (i.e. The Once-ler). If you lean towards constant approval and confidence from friends and family, you might just lose that approval and confidence from and in yourself. If you lean on God as your Father and all He has promised, you are guaranteed to have a glorious, eternal life. Now there are many other things to lean on and at at times I'm sure we've all leaned on multiple things but ask yourself, which way do you lean?

I'm working towards taking just some of the messages presented in the movie to heart. There are  more messages within the movie and I encourage you, young or old, to spend the $10 and go see the movie. But don't just watch it for entertainment value.  Watch it for messages that can better your life. 

Epic Fail

The last month has been a challenging one. In the future I hope, no I pray I can look back and see where God was leading me. As for now, I have more questions than answers.

My world was rocked when, at the beginning of the month, I was laid-off. While this news was not out of left field, it was still a shock and disappointment. At first I had a whole range of emotions including anger, frustration, confusion, sadness and even bitterness. Let's just say that I didn't handle it too well the first few days. I couldn't understand why I would be hired only to be laid-off 6 months later. I was ashamed to admit to friends and family that I would be jobless in 15 days. What did I spend all that time and money for a college education to be newly graduated with no job, living at home and no clue where I wanted to go? Was it something I did or didn't do to lead to this? While all these questions are probably an expected reaction, I had some particularly difficult questions to work through. How could the church I've grown up in, the church I've volunteered hundreds of hours for, the church I was an intern for do this to me? How could I continue to be friends with the people I worked with? How could I attend church as simply a member when I had been on staff? 

The executive staff tried to make it clear that is was strictly a business move. Finances were poor and they had to make significant budget cuts. I wasn't the only one who got laid-off but it stung and hurt nonetheless. After many talks with some trusted friends and mentors, I began to realize I was running to the wrong people. Well, to the right people but I wasn't running to the person I should've first gone to; God. 

I can't say I trusted God, or even had faith in Him those first few days. I don't even know if I can say I do now. All the emotions I felt towards those involved were nothing compared to how I was feeling toward God. If you know me, you know the significant struggles my family has faced the last few years. It seemed like God had left completely. Things went from bad to worse to almost impossible. I could not see the plan God had, I couldn't even see the tiniest glimmer of an open peephole, let alone full window or door. I have since asked forgiveness from staff and God for my emotions and negative thoughts.

A good friend and mentor of mine talked to me, yes literally TO me. I didn't say much in the conversation but it was exactly what I needed. He told me to stop crying about it (I admit I had expelled a fair amount of tears). He told me I should be talking to God about it all, that he was positive there was a plan and I needed to turn to my Heavenly Father. I spent the weekend praying, reading His Word and trying to listen to what God had to say. A window was opened in terms of a mission trip. A friend of my mentor's was leading a trip through a different church in two weeks. There happened to be a purchased ticket that someone was unable to use. With support and sponsorship from my friends, I decided this was God's way of telling me I needed to be on this trip. I don't know his reasonings, I don't know what His plan in this is for me but I am trying to have faith.

Fast forward 2 weeks.

After a handful of applications submitted and a couple interviews, still no luck with a job. But I must put the focus on job hunting on hold as the mission trip is roughly 36 hours away. I will be spending 5 days in Tecate, Mexico with 20 or so women at Rancho de Sus Ninos. Rancho, as they call it, is an orphanage, day care center, education center free to local kids. We will be working with 'house moms'. They are women who work with the children in the orphanage. We will also be doing some painting and playing with kids. 

I have always had a heart for missions, this being my 6th mission trip, 5th to Mexico. I have thought that maybe God has a long-term plan for me in ministry and missions. My friend told me maybe this was the beginning of a missions path for me. I haven't understood God's Will for me but I am trying my best to be open to the possibilities. I can't say I have succeeded in trusting God with my concerns and fears completely but I am working on it. I still feel the presence of Satan at times, playing on my fears and emotions and situations that have arisen.

I guess my point in all this is that everyone struggles. Everyone is going through something. We all deal with it in different ways. I need to deal with it the God way. I need to trust him completely, I need to run to Him first and foremost. I need to be in constant prayer, read and meditate on His Word. I am confident that when I do, He will clearly speak to me and provide for me in ways I haven't experienced before. Its easier said than done but its my goal and plan. 

Please pray that I focus solely on God the next week, that I can listen to Him. That the mission trip is unhindered and I grow in Him and see His ways. Pray that He provides financial stabilization for me. Pray that I can exemplify the Christian life I have so claimed is mine.

Leadership Leap

True or False

I'm a spontaneous, energetic, outgoing woman.

I don't really care what others think about me.

Meeting new people is easy and fun for me.

If you answered true to any of those, guess again.

I often lack self-confidence in who I am and my abilities. It is something I have struggled with most of my life but I can now say I have made some dramatic improvements in my level of self-confidence and it came from the most unlikely of situations.

I was dissatisfied with the Young Adult program at my church. For whatever reason, it seemed to be lacking committed, consistent people. I was looking for a place to get plugged into, to become more social, a place to challenge me and deepen my relationship with Christ through devotions and discussions. Whatever I was hoping for, I wasn't finding it. After many discussions with friends and mentors I finally made the uncomfortable decision to step out of my comfort zone and do something about it. All these years I complained, I griped and I sulked when I should have simply acted. 

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; 

the courage to change the things I can; 

and wisdom to know the difference."

This quote has sat in a picture frame on my dresser for years and finally, I realized what it said. This was the turning point, the "duh" moment. 

The next day I committed to becoming the face of the 20-something women at Gold Creek Community Church. While it scares the heck out of me to take a step of leadership such as this, it has already begun to transform my thinking. 

I have been actively involved in the coed young adult group. We are reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan and I'm already enjoying it more than I expected. I now look forward to Thursday nights.

Being the face of the 20-something women has also pushed me to become a leader within the church's Tuesday Women's Night group. I am not leading a devotional or study this session but I am trying to get other 20-something women involved. Tuesday night we met at 6pm at a local Starbucks to meet each other and chat before heading over to the church. We all ended up joining a group studying the book The Power of a Positive Woman. I not only now look forward to hanging out with other young adult women but also look forward to changing the way I see myself through this study. I have already committed to lead a study the next session and I will not back out.

While I am not becoming a leader to feel good about myself, I admit I have felt better about myself since I took the leap to becoming a women's leader. I have met more women and I hope to build deeper relationships with them. I have this smile on my face and an energy within me that is new and it makes every day better. Thank you to those who have encouraged me to take this role and to those who will be my mentors and leaders along with me.

Flame Reignited

So after a long hiatus, I've finally reignited the flame of passion for writing. I don't know how or why I let the flame burn out but I have let multiple flames disappear lately. 

A good friend of mine, Laurel Dickison, has started writing a blog and rather than writing about adventures or crafts or cooking, she has taken a refreshing approach and talks about things that are personal and real. Make sure to take a look at her blog here. I'm inspired by her revelation that young adults (20s-30s) are afraid to admit their emotions and struggles and instead keep them locked away inside. Whether is because of guilt, shame, embarrassment, or they just don't care, something is being lost on these younger generations. Its important to share life's experiences with others so that those who are going through the same highs and lows can relate and others that have made it through some of those experiences can share advice, encouragement and joy.

I hope to be able to share like she does, in hopes that people can help each other out in encouragement, praise and simply knowing there are others going through the same things.

For now, I'm remaining on this blog but I have been contemplating a move to a more professionally-toned blog. One where I pay for the domain name and where I focus on professional experiences, leaving out the personal rants. It would be something I could put in my portfolio and show to potential employers if/when the time comes. Part of me thinks it would be a better idea than to continue this blog. However, another part of me thinks I could use this one to be both personal and professional and yet another part of me thinks I could manage 2 blogs. Well, actually it would be 3 blogs since I am heading up a professional blog for the Gold Creek Community Church Children's Department. My ambitions are high and hopefully I can muddle my way through and decide but until you hear differently, please continue to read this blog.

Letter to Myself

-based on Brad Paisley’s “Letter to Me”-

As you read this down the road, no matter a week or a year

Listen to the words and the voices you hear

They are your words and your voice

They are God’s direction and Will

Remember the days you hid chocolate in your room

The days you snuck the dog table food

You’re first date, you’re passions and goals

Adapt and grow but remember your roots

The times you laughed, cried, fought, failed and won

Let this letter remind you of the good times and the bad

Remember the starts of college, kidsmin leadership, the real world

Reflect on where you’ve been, where you are and where you hope to be

Remember the struggles of confidence, friendships, family

The faith you yearned for

The love you strived for

The path God laid out for you

You’re relationship with the Lord is above all else

Do not forsake him but seek him whole-heartedly

Live the Godly life you’ve pledged to live

Be the example and leader to those you serve

As you read this down the road, no matter a week or a year

Listen to the words and the voices you hear

They are your words and your voice

They are God’s direction and Will

'Fresh Start' but Where's the Start?

I can't find the start line.

So I’ve been MIA for a while, no worthy explanation except that I got lazy. Lazy in a lot of areas and it has led to dissatisfaction; dissatisfaction with my relationship with the Lord, with my social life, with my relationship with my brother. I’m not trying to sound depressed or pitiful but I am stating these dissatisfactions so that they are written down with more permanence, in hopes that friends and family can help keep me accountable! (That’s you!)

Most importantly I have not maintained a daily relationship with the Lord. I pray most days but it’s usually a prayer of want, not a prayer of thanks. I don’t feel like I’m having a conversation with God. I’m a leader in kid’s ministry, on staff with the church and yet I don’t feel like a leader. I can’t say why, yet, but I can’t see the potential impact I could have on kids. I know being a part of the kidsmin team is important, don’t get me wrong but I want to have a direct impact on kids’ relationships with the Lord. I don’t know if this feeling is because I don’t have the relationship with the Lord I desire for myself or because I’ve been lazy or something else entirely.

My social life has not improved much since the last post. I have yet to hang out with many friends, no matter how many text inquiries I send out. Maybe that’s the problem, not having a clear idea of what I want to do and not flat out asking friends to hang out. I have not connected with the YA group much yet, I went to the first Thursday night small group, missed the monthly ‘hang out’ small group because of a funeral and last week’s small group was canceled. Now most of my YA friends are on the high school retreat so I've spent the weekend at home. I know these friendships I desire can’t be built over night (though I wish they could) but I had hoped it would be tad bit easier.

My brother and I, though over most of the petty fighting, still struggle to get along at times. He is floundering a bit, I will respect his privacy and not delve into detail but his behavior and reactions to situations  causes me to wonder sometimes. Trying to be a good big sister is harder than I thought when sometimes I really just want to knock him upside the head, taking the move from his favorite tv show NCIS. I haven’t and won’t but the thought has crossed my mind.

My work career started off with a bang (pun intended) as I helped out at our church's first fireworks stand fundraiser. It was a lot of fun, a bit frustrating and definitely exhausting. The hard work of our staff and volunteer team made it an excellent venture, earning us $20,000 toward our children’s and youth departments. I have completed my first week of official work and it went really well, I think. Tomorrow will be the deciding factor as it is my first official Sunday on staff. It is a different process being on staff versus being a summer intern. I am here for the long haul and it’s a different mentality, something I am still adjusting to.

I need a hobby, an activity of some sorts that I can do on my days off and in the evenings after work. I told myself I’d start making cards (birthday, special occasions etc). I even bought supplies. Yet the supplies still remain in the bag I purchased them in. I told myself I’d get into shape but I have yet to run a mile or go to the gym.

I need to find something soon or else I’m going to turn into one lazy bum. (Only half kidding).